Lets Go!
sincerely,
andy
ps. I hope its a good one
We were on our way back to her house, though i was picking up the car so we could go to the drive-ins. She had always wanted to go, because she had never gone and she thought it was so interesting. So we arrived at her house and we go inside to meet and greet with the family. I was introduced to everyone there. Her parents sons and daughters were up, so I shook their hands and introduced myself. Then Alan (her dad) gave me the keys and told me to bring it back in one piece. So we drove down the road to the drive-ins paid, met up with a few people then went off on our own.
The first movie playing wasn't really intresting us, so we climbed in the back if the car to lay down, kiss, and talk. so we kissed a little, then we started talking.
Im going to miss you.. she says
I'll miss knowing that you will be there tomorrow.. i say
I'll miss kissing you.. she says
I'll miss having you in my arms.. I say
I'll miss going to the bandroom with you everyday.. she says
ill miss speaking german to you.. i say
Ill miss seeing you in school.. she says
Ill miss looking for you in the hallways.. I say
I'll miss you singing to me.. she says
I'll miss saying Ich hab dich lieb.. and having someone around to understand it.. i say
I'll miss your voice, and the way you smell.. she says
I'll miss singing songs to you in german, drawing you pictures, writing you songs, writing you poems so you can have something in class, leaving you notes when you sign off aim so when you sign on you have something to smile at, making you food, eating your nutella sandwhiches, dancing, sunsets with you, singing lyrics to you when we walk, looking into your eyes, knowing that it will be ok tomorrow..
..I say
she and i both start sobbing..
I'm going to miss you.. she says
then i say.. you know what im going to miss the most?
she says.. what?
the feeling of knowing the girl who loves me will be there..i say
we just started crying, and the movie ended.. so we decided to get some fresh air and hangout with our friends until the next movie played.
the whole time the movie was playing i wasnt really focused. All i could think about was her. She was cuddled up next to me on the seat, but that just wasnt enough. I had to keep looking down at her to make sure she was still there and i wasnt dreaming. The movie ended and i brought her home and we started talking again.
Its so unbelievable if you think about it.. i say
I pause look at her and continue
you joined some program in austria just hoping to go to america, you were accepted and now going to america. There are 50 states, you could have gone to any one of those states, however, they chose new york for you. and for some reason they chose central new york., and there are soo many schools in central new york but they chose for you to go to my highschool. Then within my highschool there are over 1000 students... the chances of us meeting were very slim if you think about it.
she looks at me and says.. I know.. smiles nervously
and i talk about the first time we actaully hung out and i took her to the baseball fields, where i use to play as a kid. I bet her that if i can jump the fence without using my arms.. and just clearing it.. that she would have to hug me.. of course i jumped it and ran to her for the hug... with the wind blowing and i just looked in her eyes for a moment.. then we were caught cuddling, and had to talk to her parents about the rules.
that say was the last day we would ever hang out... be close.. so i read her the poem i wrote for her a long time ago
We lay in my bed
The sun shining through
Our eyes at a meet
And that’s just when I knew
Her lips started moving and the words didn’t come out
A subtle little kiss and then she went about
Baby oh baby don’t love me
For I wont be here forever
Though you’re my only endeavor
Please don’t let go
Promise just promise me in twenty years you’ll remember me down the road
We walk to the old baseball diamond
With a rush of the autumn breeze
We hugged for the first time
And I said may I have another please
This is when it started
I should have refrained
But later that night she said that were just friends okay
Baby oh baby don’t love me
For I wont be here forever
Though you’re my only endeavor
Please don’t let go
Promise just promise me in twenty years you’ll remember me down the road
She looks at me right before that moment
That’s make time stop forever
And I looked her back and said
Let me stop time here with this lever
And I’m going to dread that good bye
i told her i needed to walk her to the door. so we pulled in and my friend was meeting us there and she said good bye to her and that it was nice meeting her.. i walked her out back.. i looked her and said her full name then.. I love you, and will never forget you... she told me she loved me back and told me that she would miss me.. I told her i didnt want to say it... we never said good bye.. or bye it was always something else... that was our thing.. but i would have to say it eventually... i looked her in the eye as we were both crying together.. and said
one last kiss?
she told me it wouldnt be the last one.. i told her that yes it would be... i asked her.. kannst du mein schmetterling sein (can you be my butterfly)... so she could fly away with me.... and she said yes.. she ask me to stay with her forever and to make time stop.. and laughed and said yeah with this lever.. she asked me if it worked and i told her i didnt think so... so i looked at her she goes... so the dream is over and i say yes.. Ill miss you baby she says... ill miss you to shatzi..(my treasure).... so how about that kiss?
and we kissed the utmost powerful and passionate kiss a had ever felt in my life.. i felt her tears on my cheek and her hands chasing all around my body.. as mine were doing to hers... then i pushed her oof of me and told her she needed to go inside..
I had tears rolling down my face but i didnt start bawling my eyes out until i saw my friend standing there and he came up and just hugged me... and i couldnt control myself anymore i had just lost it all and completly broke down... i was lost.. and it finally hit me that she'll be gone forever...
du wirst fur immer im meinem herz blieben shatzi Nov... 1--- juli... 7
- Mood:
depressed - Music:Im wounded, Chase Coy
The Future is always happening, and will never go away. Don't chase it, just follow behind it at your own pace.
have a good day everyone
The more and more i live in this country the thought of living in america the rest of my life becomes more and more unapealing. I learn in school about the government, the economy, and society. America as a country has been portrayed to us all throughout school as "The Nation". Our America is the best country and is superier to all other countries. Although most Americans struggle to make ends meet, and even more struggle to make weight. Why is this even an issue? People are supposed to live the "American Dream", but what is that? How many people have you actually talked to that could honestly say "Im living the American Dream"? I have never heard of it. The American dream is surely becoming nothing more than the "American Reality". Sure we are a free nation, Wait a second, are we? What makes us a free nation, our living expense? The fact that we were born here? We are the United States of America, What makes us different from Europe, and Latin America? Healthcare, government, and Education in America is corrupt. Healthcare costs are sky rocketing, whats wrong with socialized medicine? Government spending is supporting raises and bonuses to Ceo's, creating bribes in bills just to get them passed, is there nothing wrong with that?. The school systems are out of whack, the youth of america are becoming less and less involved in learning and more and more involved in drugs and violence; and I suppose thats ok too?
Socialized medicine is wrong because?
It could lead us into communism... ? "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal"... sound familiar?
Communism is based on by equality, thats what America wants, however the world has only seen communism in its totalinarianistic form. There are positives to communism however at the mere expense of having universal healthcare i doubt that will steeple America into communism. I mean God forbid regulation and equal pay for workers, that means no more monopolies.
Corruption in the government?
The government system in America is based on greed and bribes. Big buisnesses do what they want and how they want to do it. Laissez faire is an absolutley horrible ideology and should not be legal, it allows buisnesses to do its own regulations and it creates monopolies. The government is slowly losing power and buisnesses are taking over. Many bills and projects go through the senate for big buisnesses, however to sway votes of approvals bribes are given out often money bonuses of some sort. Hospitals raise rates of healthcare costs and look for the easiest way to get that person denied from insurance just to make their bank a little more heavier.
Education and the youth of America are diminenishing.
As a senior in highschool I hear all the stories. How wasted someone got lastnight, how high another person was, how much damage someone did to a car. Why are kids choosing to be violent and do drugs rather than learn? Why are test grades lowering, and more kids dropping out of school? Is it the teachers fault? is it the schools fault? or the parents whose to blame here. I believe more parents are letting their kids do whatever they want and dont discipline hard enough, and the schools are doing the same thing. Youth now think they can do whatever they want its getting rediculous. A few years ago I heard stories of prostitution, drug overdoses, and a break in at the school in the junior highschool, these are 12 - 14 year old kids. Even when i was in junior high i noticed things however they were never this bad. Why is this happening? and its much worse in other areas of the country. Now less kids are going to colleges because of the high rates of tuition. Why is education so expensive are the rich only ones aloud to get a proper education?
The Pursuit of Happiness
Usually as I walk the streets of my town neighborhood or observe other parts of the country on a road trip i constantly see unhappiness. I see it on the expressions of people, and i see in the buildings and evironment. I look around and i see people not taking care of themselves wearing old clothes, probably living underneath the poverty line why? why are the living like this. No one deserves this. What happened to pursuing happiness, sure people can smile because their living but drowning in stress and not recieveing sufficient aid from the government makes it so much harder to motivate yourself. Divorce rates are also rising, if kids are invloved the diffuculties are going to be that much worse.
Opprotunity to live a dream is becomeing slowly lost in the American society, the life expecantcy is lowering and so isnt the value of the dollar. This is supposed to be our country United as one and equal, however we are a nation of individuals that are far from equality, and far from being united. So is this our country? or is it the governments country? All I know is that i dont want to sit around pursuinghappiness my whole life, I want to do something and achieve it. So i will vacade myself from this country before it falls and turns into something worse than it is already.
i really need a damn job.. btw
if there was anything i could, i would in a heart beat in which I would make do,
nothing hurts more than to know the future, and its obvious that time flew
- Mood:down
Thank you everyone who has inspired me and/ or helped me realize who I really am. I appreciate you picking me off the ground and leading me in the right direction :)
Andy-
thanks
I've been sick and such therefore havn't had the time too update my stuff. though ima try get to get this going
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